Prussia's Rant
by bloodonthepages
Summary: Prussia rants to an unwilling Lithuania about his current condition. Implied PolandxLiet,HungaryxPrussia,GermanyxItalia Rated M for strong language.


Okay, is it really my fault? Stupid transvestite little bitch, always trying to crump my style like that. She's just jealous of how awesome I am. She was perfectly willing to get along with my brother because he used to be _cute_ and had a little boy relationship with _Italy_ which is totally fucking _adorable._ Yeah, she doesn't really care that West basically raped her little boyfriend (by "raped" I mean he took his land without permission/struggle, and by little I mean…little. Down there.). She doesn't give a damn that he beat the crap outta Poland with Russia – wasn't sure who to root for there, as I absolutely hate the Cossack but that little Valley-girl fairy is so damn _annoying._

What? What the fuck do you mean, _Poland's not gay?_ Get that extra cum the hell out of your ear, man, _he's gay_. I mean you used to live with the guy, right? Didn't he ever try to fondle you in your sleep?

Hot pink, eh? That's not the most attractive color for a dick, but hey, I'm not the one who painted it…

So anyway. Yeah. Poland's a tranny little fag. He should hang out with Hungary sometime. Which reminds me…

Okay, so bitch doesn't care what my brother does. Take over Austria? Yeah, what the hell. Invade Italy's vital regions? She probably figured she could masturbate to that. Denmark? Who gives a crap about that loud-mouthed Viking pain in my ass anyway? Stubborn little cunt, that Denmark. I'm pretty sure he's Sweden's little mistress or something…

Yeah, so she doesn't care about that, but then- hey! Where the fuck do you think you're going! Get the hell back here!

No, I will not let go of your arm. What the hell! Don't you know it's _rude_ to just walk away when someone –especially someone as awesome as me- is talking? I'm the former Prussian empire, dammit!

The laundry can wait for later, I swear to God, that fat bastard won't even notice. He's probably too drunk off his ass on vodka right now. Yes, I know it's eight am. What's your point?

So –as I was saying- she wouldn't have cared if West did it on his own. But because _I_ was involved, ya see, she got all pissy. _Ohhh, stop invading my land! Stop taking all my Jews! _ Blah, blah, blah. I don't get what the big deal is with that, anyway. I mean, _everyone_ kills the Jews. Spain did it, that bloody wanker England did it, Italy did it, Poland did it- hell, fatso did it _a lot_. If anything, the Jews should be _thanking me._ They should all be getting down on their friggin knees and thanking me that I remembered them. Because, you know, we were starting to forget.

Oh, how the _hell_ is that offending?

So the bitch rips on us because of me. What the fuck. I mean, she didn't even notice how sexy my new uniform was! West got the boring regular one, but I got the super-awesome special sexy _black_ one. Did you see it? I made it look so hot.

'Course my boss didn't exactly approve. Something about some Aryan bullshit and some other crap about how my dear _bruder_ should be wearing it. But I was like, 'Hey! Bitch! Doesn't that mean I'm _super Aryan,_ ya dumb fuck?' He is nothing like Old Fritz at all, I swear to God. Old man would've gone straight to conquering instead of all this Death Camp shit.

Oh, what? You don't think I actually _liked_ that, did you? I was pulling yer nuts with the Jew thing, man. See, you're just like everyone else, thinking just because I wore the cooler uniform I'm to blame for this whole thing.

That's why I said all those things about Hungary, you know? Because she was like everyone else, blaming me. Condemning me. Hating me. All I want is a little more land, you know? Try to build up my former glory. I'm just little Prussia, after all.

And yet, why did they send _me_ here? Why not West? What the hell makes him so likable anyway, he's got a bigger stick up his ass than Mendele did. I raised the guy up with my will and awesomeness alone.

And how can you stand to live with fatso anyway? Guy's a total prick. What the hell do you mean, he's just big boned?! Guy's a total tub of lar-

Oh. Hello Russia.

Er, speak to you privately in five minutes? There's really no need-

Oh. Oh, I see. Yes, I think I understand your point of view now. Thank you for clarifying. You can put the pipe down. You can put the pipe-

Yes, thank you. Of course I'll meet you in five minutes.

Crap.


End file.
